CROSSROADS TO SOMEWHERE: Water, Water Nowhere = Nary a Drop to Waste

By W.T. WIMPY HIROTO

There was a time when I didn’t drink water. I mean nada, zip. Remember those grammar school/playground fountains? That’s just about the last time I ever slurped from a public spigot, honest Japanese American.

Of all the hardship stories you’ve heard from me about Camp life, add to the list the government’s stupid decision there’d be no public drinking outlets (at least in Poston). Resident blocks had faucets for watering purposes but none for drinking. My aversion to water was further enhanced when it took fourteen days to go from San Francisco to Yokohama, many of which were on an ocean far from being pacific. Once safely disembarked, you’re warned not to drink the local water, so there go more years without liquid sustenance.

How I was able to maintain a 65 percent water body weight is a mystery; as well as the 73 percent necessary for a functioning brain. [Of course I’m discounting tons of (green) tea, (decaf) coffee, (Pepsi) soft drinks and booze (beer, wine, vodka), which I drank with abandon and enthusiasm.] I shook my head in disbelief when the water craze began several years ago. I mean, geez, people carrying bottles of drinking water. What could come next: People talking on a telephone while walking? And driving?

I was finally convinced of the basic need of H2O just a few months ago. If it’s too late, shi-ka-ta-ga-nai and all that jazz. At least haven’t shriveled up completely. But it is mind-boggling how long I’ve survived without mizu.

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All of which is a pretty roundabout way to introduce commentary on our governor’s ambitious plan to cope with California’s devastating drought.

Let’s start with his across-the-board 25 percent reduction edict. A no-brainer but whoa, Nellie, there is a CR2S factor to consider. Several years ago when the drought was in its infancy, NBC’s Brian Williams (of all people) suggested turning off the hot water flow while shaving. It made sense so I stopped. I then went a step further and shortened my showering time by a few minutes. So I’ve already exceeded the proposed 25 percent cut while everyone else continued their water-wasting ways. All of which means wastrel wasters can easily achieve a 25 percent savings while it will be impossible for me. Unless I shave and shower less.

I took out my front lawn and replaced it with white pebbles — years ago — before the bribe element was introduced to entice homeowners to replace lawns. Today a landscaper can remove and renovate with the city’s monetary reward more than enough to cover the cost.

The Jerry Brown formula sprung a leak before it started: Only 20 percent of the state’s water is consumed by the public, while a monstrous 80 is guzzled by agriculture. That means his program aims to shave one-quarter of only 20, not a hundred. If my math is correct, the actual saving is a mere 5 percent (1/4 x 20) since farming is being exempted.

Not serving water at restaurants is laughable; cutting down on golf course and *cemetery watering a no-brainer. [*Which won’t hurt Evergreen since it stopped watering years ago.] A needed plan to include agriculture poses a dilemma: Who’s to decide whether a water-guzzling almond orchard deserves more than a vineyard? A field of alfalfa is as important as rice? Now it gets tricky, meaning winners will be the most influen$ial. Expect an outpouring of public relations stories depicting the sad plight of mid-state farmers. But save the compassionate tears, people, we’re talking about Big Business operations. None of the Grapes of Wrath suffering during which our Issei did miracles with untillable land in the ’20s and ’30s.

CR2S is no expert on the matter, but you wanna know something? I have a fair and painless way to solve the dilemma. It’s so simple:

Just don’t go to the bathroom so often!!!

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Okay, now that I’ve saved California, let’s look at a list of names: Taylor Davis, Nina Myers, Kellie Sum, Karine Worley. From this quartet the 2015 Northern California Cherry Blossom Queen will be announced. I’m really not a biased Jappo, but where are the Terukos and what happened to the Hokodas of yore?

In an attempt to beat back potential backlash, I hasten to add there is no doubt the young ladies are proud of their maternal side. My query is very simple: Why don’t more Hapa offspring have a Japanese surname? Okay, okay, CR2S isn’t that dense. What I mean is why do more yellow ladies marry white men than yellow males wed outside their heritage? Sorry if I appear to be a jingoist or xenophobic. [Or an a..h…] Just wondering out loud and I’ll betcha I ain’t the only one . . .

Give it some thought please, before you jump all over this befuddled Nisei cretin.

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W.T. Wimpy Hiroto can be reached at williamhiroto@att.net Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily those of The Rafu Shimpo.