By JUDD MATSUNAGA, ESQ.
If you watch an NBA playoff game, you’ll often hear the sports broadcasters and TV commentators talk about a “two-way player,” e.g., “He’s a solid two-way player.” That means that they are good at “both ends of the floor,” i.e., offense and defense.
A good two-way player will score in double figures, and block 2-4 shots per game. The more two-way players a team has, the greater their chance of winning a championship.
In like manner, if you want to win at the game of life, you also have to be good at “both ends of the floor,” i.e., both offense and defense. Last Father’s Day, I wrote an article titled “Silence Your Negative Thoughts.” That’s a good, solid strategy for defense, i.e., “protecting the paint,” or in the game of life, “protecting your mind.”
This Father’s Day, I wanted to give some fatherly advice, to children of all ages, about developing a good offensive game.
“What game?” you might ask. I’m talking about the game of life. I’m talking about a life lesson that had I learned decades ago, would have saved me a lot of unnecessary pain and sorrow.
This lesson is “offensive,” meaning once practiced will add to your life. However, instead of accumulating points, rebounds and assists, e.g., a “triple-double,” you get waves of peace, love and joy.
Remember the 1960s animated TV show “Popeye the Sailor”? Whenever Olive Oyl was in trouble, Popeye would open a can of spinach, eat it, and was instantly given the power and strength to defeat any foe. To give all Rafu Shimpo readers the best chance of “a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10), we will discuss a different kind of spinach, designed to give you Popeye-like strength to add multiple blessings into your life. I’ll call it “Stay in your own lane — Accept yourself and BE YOU.”
Growing up in Bel-Air in the ’60s was both a blessing and a curse. I was the only Japanese American in my 4th-grade class. I specifically didn’t say “only Asian American” for a reason. Pearl Harbor was still a big thing back then, and anti-Japanese sentiment still ran strong in predominantly “white” neighborhoods.
I don’t know if, deep down inside, there was a strain of self-hatred or not. But I do know that if there is something sociologists call a “banana,” i.e., yellow on the outside, white on the inside, that was me.
I would imagine that if I could just fix every flaw, silence every insecurity, polish every part of myself until I shined like some flawless diamond, then I’d be worthy. Then I’d finally be “accepted.” But that idea — that perfection is the path to self-worth — is not just false, it’s destructive! It sets a standard no human can meet.
And worse, it teaches you to hate yourself for simply being what you are, i.e., imperfect and growing.
My whole childhood, I tried to live my life in “someone else’s lane.” I didn’t like the lane I was given. So I lived in a state of constant anxiety because I believed that my future security would be based on what I could achieve or acquire. I sought success, happiness, and fulfillment, believing that once I acquired wealth, relationships, external achievements or status, I would feel complete.
I believed that if I worked harder, pushed more, and controlled every detail of my life, I would finally have peace.
One of the heaviest burdens you can carry is the need for other people’s approval (and it starts so early). As kids we learn to seek validation from our parents, our teachers, our friends because it feels safe, it feels like belonging. But if you’re not careful, that same “survival strategy” becomes a trap.
Before you know it, you’re living a life shaped not by your values, but by the expectations of others. You’re chasing applause instead of authenticity. You’re molding yourself into someone else’s idea of who you should be just to avoid rejection.
The truth is — approval is addictive. It feels good to be praised, it feels good to be liked. But the problem isn’t the feeling, it’s the dependence. Because when your self-worth is tethered to the opinions of others, it becomes fragile. Every criticism feels like an attack, every disapproving look becomes a threat.
And suddenly, you’re not free. You’re performing for a crowd that doesn’t even know your heart (and may not care to). And even if they do approve, what then? You’ve won their applause but lost your sense of “self” in the process.
So my mind was constantly seeking ways to live in someone else’s lane. Constantly chasing, constantly worrying, and yet my life remained in lack. But, according to New York Times best-selling author Dr. Joe Dispenza, “when you chase, you send a signal to your brain that you do not believe you are worthy of what you desire, that you do not trust God’s timing, and that you are trying to force something into existence. This energy repels what you want instead of drawing it toward you.”
“The more you chase something, the more you reinforce the belief that it is separate from you, that it is out of reach, and that you must struggle to attain it. This creates resistance, stress, and a mind-set of lack.” Dr. Dispenza continues, “When you are constantly striving, constantly pushing, and constantly trying to force outcomes, you are operating from a place of fear rather than trust. You are telling yourself that unless you control every detail, things will not work out in your favor.
“But when you shift your inner world, when you fill your mind with faith, gratitude, and possibility, you begin to see a different reality unfold suddenly. The same world that once seemed full of obstacles becomes full of opportunities. The same challenges that once seemed overwhelming become stepping stones for growth. The same circumstances that once felt limiting become the foundation for transformation.”
He continues, “But when you are in a state of faith, surrender, and gratitude you become magnetic. People, opportunities, and blessings are drawn to you effortlessly. This is why those who are deeply connected to God seem to move through life with ease. They do not chase, they do not force, and they do not operate from scarcity. They trust, they align, and they allow.”
That’s why Jesus said, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33) “What “things?” you might ask. The things you are chasing. The things you think are going to bring you happiness, or peace, or prosperity, etc. Seeking “The “kingdom of God” means you to align first with the divine and then everything else will come.
This is a game-changer!! When you “seek first the kingdom of God,” you are no longer dependent on external validation. You weren’t put here to meet everyone’s expectations. You were put here to live out your potential. And that potential requires truth, not approval. There’s something profoundly human about imperfection. We all have flaws. We all carry scars, regrets, contradictions. And yet, we spend an enormous amount of time trying to hide them as if they disqualify us from love, from success, from being enough.
Learn to notice the rhythm of your own mind. In moments of difficulty, the mind has a tendency to run. It races toward the worst-case scenario. It abandons the present and starts living in “what-ifs.” It drifts into futures that haven’t happened, into fears that haven’t become real. It builds illusions, assumptions, and predictions based not on truth, but on fear. It becomes paralyzed not by the actual problem, but by the imagined consequences of the problem. This is the nature of an untrained mind.
When pressure rises, strength is not about pretending nothing is wrong. True strength lies in “staying present.” The “present moment” is often overlooked because it doesn’t shout. It doesn’t beg for your attention. It’s about bringing your awareness back to where your power lies — this moment, this breath, this action.
True clarity doesn’t come from thinking five steps ahead. It comes from mastering the next step, and then the one after that. That awareness is your point of power. Because once you see the pattern, you are no longer controlled by it. You now have a choice.
The next step is direction. Once you catch the dis-empowering thought, you must redirect your focus. The brain cannot focus on fear and gratitude at the same time. Make a gratitude list, naming all the things you are thankful for. Staying present takes discipline.
It takes focus, it takes the courage, to face this moment as it is, not as you wish it were. Not as you fear it will be, but exactly as it is. And without presence, strength is impossible. Because strength requires awareness. It requires consciousness.
Breathing is one of the simplest and most powerful ways to stay present. When stress hits, the breath shortens, the body tightens, the mind races. But a deep, intentional breath can shift your entire state. It signals to the brain that you are safe. That you are in control, that you are not in danger, even if this situation feels difficult.
This is why athletes, leaders, and warriors across history have turned to breath. Because it’s the one tool that is always available and instantly effective.
One breath can change the momentum of your entire day. Choose to focus on what you can be grateful for, instead of your problems. If you create spaces of silence, of gratitude, of focus, of reflection, you will begin to experience clarity. Clarity leads to strength, confusion drains it.
Design your day in a way that prioritizes your peace, not just your productivity. It’s about practicing stillness so you can respond instead of react. It’s about knowing yourself so deeply that nothing outside you defines your strength.
This, however, does not mean withdrawing from the world, or ignoring your responsibilities. It means shifting your focus from fear-based thinking to faith-based living. It means seeking alignment before action, purpose before performance, and faith before results.
You no longer define yourself by circumstances because you know your identity comes from a higher source. You no longer live in lack because you understand that God’s abundance is infinite. You attract all those good things you desire through faith and surrender.
You might say, “But Judd, I don’t think I have any faith.” Not true, the Bible says, “God has allotted to each a measure of faith.” (Romans 12:3) Jesus said that if you have faith of a mustard tree (the smallest of seeds), “…Nothing will be impossible for you.” (Luke 17:6) Many people struggle with faith because they want guarantees, they want clear signs, they want immediate results. But faith does not operate that way. Faith asks you to trust, it asks you to surrender your time-line and allow God to work things out in His perfect way.
In conclusion, if you stay in your own lane and stop chasing, you’ll start attracting. You create space for miracles to unfold in your life naturally. You no longer operate from a mind-set of lack, e.g., striving and struggling, but from a mind-set of faith and abundance. You understand that what is meant for you will come to you when you are ready for it.
And the moment you shift your focus from chasing to the presence of God within you, everything begins to realign. You start attracting peace, joy and love “abundantly,” just like a magnet. Happy Father’s Day!!!
Judd Matsunaga, Esq., is the founding partner of the Law Offices of Matsunaga & Associates, specializing in estate/Medi-Cal planning, probate, personal injury and real estate law. With offices in Torrance, Hollywood, Sherman Oaks, Pasadena and Fountain Valley, he can be reached at (800) 411-0546. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily those of The Rafu Shimpo.