By Sheila Yonemoto, PT
At a funeral, I ran into an old friend whom I hadn’t seen for close to 40 years. Her husband was there as well and I only remember talking to him 2-3 times. In order to make him feel included and comfortable, I told the story of how they met.
Both of them were quite impressed that I could remember so much detail after all these years. I told them it was because I used their story to give other people hope that they could find a future mate under any circumstances.
My line of work requires that I find out information about people quickly so that I can help them in a comprehensive way. I have found over the years that in order to get people to talk to you, you need to focus on the person. Someone told me that the easiest way to get someone talking is to get them to talk about their favorite subject — them!
Next, you have to listen to them to show that you care about them. I learned from someone else who was giving pointers on how to do public speaking that to keep up interest, you need to tell stories that have a beginning, a middle and an end. So when you are doing public speaking, just link up stories to keep the interest and when you run out of time, just stop with your last story.
My cousin’s husband, who is a famous actor, is teaching classes in storytelling, as the basis of a good movie is a good story. Aside from the obvious people who would take his classes, he said that lawyers, teachers, captains of industry and others who need to persuade people.
My qigong teacher also said that you can only persuade others by touching their heart, not their heads. Good salespeople know this by focusing on the emotional impacts of making decisions and not logic.
More than once I have had patients tell me that I could get them to tell me secrets that they have never even told their spouses. My response has always been that it’s because they feel safe.
My mother died at a young age, so I have always felt that life was too short and you have to make the most of it while you can. No time to hold grudges, be angry or wait until the time or money were better.
So, here is my formula: put the focus on the other person, make them feel safe, find a way to tell stories (or examples) that give them hope, feel inclusive, feel human, see another point of view, feel like they matter.
My daughter said that she tried to do a drill with her staff to get them to communicate better. She mentioned that many people don’t know how to tell stories or give examples.
I have found that family gatherings and hearing stories from the older generation was one way to pass down family history, but I also found that different members of the family had different recollections of the same incident.
Try some storytelling during holiday gatherings this season. Or just try using your life experiences to weave a tale to help someone feel better about themselves, see a different point of view and become more tolerant, or give someone hope that a brighter future is possible.
Sheila Yonemoto, P.T., has been a physical therapist for more than 40 years, specializing in integrative manual therapy, utilizing a holistic approach. She can be reached at Yonemoto Physical Therapy, 55 S. Raymond Ave., Suite 100, Alhambra, CA 91801. She also offers a qigong “Chinese energy” exercise class. Your first class is free. Call (626) 576-0591 for more information or visit www.yonemoto.com.