By GEORGE YOSHINAGA
It’s about 6:45 p.m. and I’m sitting on the couch watching the news on our TV set.
My wife, who is in the kitchen preparing supper, sticks her face in the living room in front of the TV set and asks me, “Isn’t today Wednesday?”
I think for a minute and I nearly pass out. It is Wednesday, the day I write my Saturday column. If I start writing now, it will be midnight before I finish.
My first thought is I should call Editor Gwen and tell her, “You won’t have to drop by to pick up my column, I probably won’t finish writing it.”
Then I decide I can’t fail to write, so I sit down in front of my computer and start thinking about what I can write about. The first thing I do is check my email because it contributes to my thinking machine and is one of the main sources for my column.
Unfortunately, there is no email, which is unusual because normally I can count on at least a dozen. So, now, if the readers find my column a bit weird, they can understand why.
Heh, heh. I guess I managed to fill half a page of typing paper with meaningless chatter.
So let me get on trying to fill seven pages, which is the normal length of the “Mouth.”
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In my previous column I chatted about my hearing getting bad, mostly due to old age.
Well, a friend who read about my hearing problem dropped by and said that since I’m a veteran, I should check with the Veterans Administration because they issue hearing aids free of charge.
Since the cost of hearing aids is so expensive, I told my friend, “Thanks, I’ll check it out.”
He told me the VA office was just down the street where I live, so I jumped in my car and made the short drive.
The guy at the office said I was at the wrong place because the VA moved to a new location about three blocks away.
So I jumped in my car again and drove to the new location.
Well, the new office was also closed. There was a leaflet tacked on the door, saying that the new office was now in Downtown Los Angeles, giving the new address and telephone number.
So using my cell phone, I dialed the number. I got a recording that gave the hours of operation and told me to leave my phone number so they would call me back with my appointment time.
I guess I’ll be deaf for another week.
What did you say???
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Okay, while I’m trying to search through the pile of junk on my desk top for continuing to fill today’s column, let me toss in a few items called “fillers.”
1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
3. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
4. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
5. If you spin an Oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
6. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
7. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
8. The only reason Santa Claus is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
9. Is there another word for synonym?
10. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
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Well, I just glanced at the clock on the wall and the hands show that it is 9:30 p.m. and I’m not even close to winding up today’s chatter.
So, I’ll continue with this segment. Since there are a lot of “senior citizens” in my reading audience, this segment can be labeled “On Health.”
How many folks do you know who say they don’t want to drink anything before going to bed because they’ll have to get up during the night?
I asked my doctor why people need to urinate so much at night. Answer: Gravity holds water in the lower part of your body when you are upright (legs swell). When you lie down, the lower body is level with the kidneys. It is then that the kidneys remove the water because it is easier.
Glass of water before taking a bath helps lower blood pressure. Glass of water before going to bed helps avoid stroke or heart attack. Pass this on to the people you care about.
I can attest to this. My physician told me that water at bedtime will also help prevent nighttime leg cramps. Your leg muscles are seeking hydration when they cramp and wake you up with a charley horse.
Virend Somers is a cardiologist from Mayo Clinic, who is a lead author of a report in the July 29, 2008 issue of the Journal of the American College of Cardiology.
Most heart attacks occur in the day, generally between 6 a.m. and noon. Having one during the night when the heart should be most at rest means that something unusual happened. Somers and his colleagues, who have been working for a decade, show that if you take an aspirin or baby aspirin once a day, take it at night.
The reason: Aspirin has a 24-hour “half-life”; since most heart attacks happen in the wee hours of the morning, the aspirin would be strongest in your system.
Something that we can do to help ourselves — nice to know.
Bayer is making a crystal aspirin to dissolve instantly on the tongue. They work faster than the tablet.
Why keep aspirin by your bedside? It’s about heart attacks.
There are other symptoms of a heart attack. Besides the pain on the left arm, one must be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating.
However, these symptoms may also occur less frequently.
There may be pain in the chest during a heart attack. There may be other symptoms. The majority of people who had a heart attack during their sleep did not wake up.
However, if the chest pain wakes you up from a deep sleep, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow with water.
Then call 911, phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by. Say “heart attack” and say you have taken two aspirins. Take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door and wait for their arrival.
This piece was rather lengthy but well worth reading.
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Hey, maybe they will have to change the name of the jetliner operated by Japan Airlines and All Nippon Airways.
Both airlines operate the Boeing 787, called the Dreamliner. Perhaps they may have to change the name to the “Nightware Liner.”
The plane with flights from and to the U.S. had to make several emergency landings due to mechanical problems.
One of these emergency landings took place at Norm Mineta International Airport in San Jose.
I wonder what the Japanese in Japan thought when they read about the emergency landing at “Mineta Airport” in the U.S. and I am curious how many of the passengers on the flight were Japanese.
Well, I’m glad I don’t have any plans to fly to Japan these days. In fact, I don’t think I’ve flown to Japan for over 25 years.
I’ll just say I’m happy my travel is limited to Las Vegas, but my trips are in my Toyota Avalon.
Speaking of my Toyota car, the Japanese carmaker has regained its No. 1 position among automakers.
I can believe that when driving around, all I see are Toyotas.
I know the two Korean automakers, Hyundai and KIA run commercials on TV stating they are the top-selling cars in the U.S. I wonder where they are sold.
When I drive round L.A., I rarely see a Hyundai or KIA at a stoplight or on the freeway.
Oh well.
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I leaned back in my chair and stretched my legs as I struggled along to get this far with my column.
I was jarred out of my resting position by my wife hollering from the living room, where she was watching the TV.
“Are you still writing?” she said.
“Yes,” I responded.
“Do you know what time it is?” she asked.
I looked at the clock on my computer and was shocked to see it was10:45.
My first thought was, “Man, I got to get to bed.”
I don’t want to be writing when Gwen drops by to pick up my column, which is usually about 8:30 a.m.
Thanks, Gwen.
I hope today’s column doesn’t smell like natto.
Hopefully my future column will return to normal.
George Yoshinaga writes from Gardena and may be reached via e-mail at horsesmouth2000@hotmail.com. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily those of The Rafu Shimpo.