By Bill Yee
”Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.” — Thomas Merton
I kid my wife about how long she will wait before remarrying in the event that I pass away before she does. When and if this happens, Lisa may find dating in the 21st century is a completely different “animal.”
As an older person, I find dating today is completely foreign compared to when I was young and “courting”!
Technology has changed the game of dating. From my observation and testimonials of people I know, many meet their partners or future spouses online today.
My millennial sons have dated people that they met online. Colin, my younger son, favors Coffee Meets Bagels, a popular dating app. According to him, he filled out a questionnaire. Based on his answers, he was matched up with a group of women with similar interests. He was able to view their profiles and then set up an in-person date if interested. Some sites even offer video conferencing!
Other popular dating apps include Hinge, eharmony, Bumble, and Tinder.
In the late ’70s and early ’80s, when I was courting, traditional places to meet were school (college), work, church, and bars. Another opportunity was the famous blind date.
In all my years, my only successful matchmaking attempt was when I encouraged one of my fellow teachers to date his future wife. They have now been married for over 40 years. He blames me whenever they have an argument. (Just kidding)
Finally, some people marry their high school sweethearts. I know of a couple of such marriages. Related to that, I wonder how many people still have photos with their senior prom date somewhere in a drawer.
What about love at first sight? You hear a few of those stories. Do you believe in love at first sight?
In many cultures and countries. arranged marriage was common. In many respects, marriage is not only a union of two people but also an economic union. Romantic love is a relatively recent invention. Kings and queens married to unite noble families or in some cases link countries.
My folks were in an arranged marriage. My dad went back to the village with the intention of marrying, building a house and having a child. He did not really date my mom. He picked her out of a group of single, eligible young women from a nearby village. He then talked to her parents and provided a dowry. My mom was 18 and my dad was 28.
When I was a kid, they were not June and Ward Cleaver. I remember one time my dad tried to kiss my mom goodbye but she pushed him away.
I wondered if they really loved each other in the traditional sense. They did have three kids after my mom immigrated to the U.S. following a 14-year separation due to World War II and the advent of the Cold War.
In Japan, arranged marriage is known as omiai. Families meet with a go-between, known as a nakōdo, who then introduces the couple after a careful screening of the individuals and the family histories. Social standing, family ties, financial stability and medical history are among the considerations.
There are fewer formal omiai marriages today. The practice of “love marriages” has become more popular especially after the WWII era.
In the U.S., millennials are marrying at a later age and having fewer kids. This is a trend in most post-industrialized countries. As a result, much of the developed world is experiencing de-population.
How did I meet my wife Lisa? We were introduced by one of her friends at Berkeley, where I was among her many suitors. I guess I was one of the leftovers, but I hit the jackpot with Lisa.
No matter how you meet your future spouses, a relationship is not an easy thing to navigate. It takes a lot of work and trust. As one half of an old married couple, it has not always been a bed of roses but I am grateful for the blessing of celebrating 44 years of marriage.
However, if one day Lisa should outlive me, she can possibly use Coffee Meets Bagels for a second chance at love!
Bill Yee is a retired Alhambra High School history teacher. He can be reached at paperson52@gmail.com. Opinions expressed are not necessarily those of The Rafu Shimpo.