By Bill Yee
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
I do enjoy being married. In fact, a few months ago Lisa and I celebrated our 43rd wedding anniversary. I’ve been annoying her since Oct. 3, 1981. (Just kidding)
As an old married couple we have been asked about our secret to a long marriage.
First of all, I am skeptical of couples who say they never argue or go to bed angry. That might happen in an ideal world or in an episode of “The Twilight Zone.”
Most husbands (I am included) will admit that they have been in the doghouse from time to time followed with a period of silence and a few nights on the couch. Wives will say that their better half has had an angry tirade or two in their years of marriage.
Marriage is complicated. It’s the process of bringing two different personalities together to form a household. These individuals have different needs and, in general, come with different backgrounds and life experiences.
Current data indicates the average marriage in America only lasts seven to eight years. So when I attend a wedding, I say a prayer that the couple will have a long and fruitful marriage.
Couples don’t always agree on issues like religion, how to raise children, finances, and even politics. (Wonder what kind of discussions will occur at the holiday table this year.)
Marriage is not a 50/50 relationship or even a 100/100 percent relationship. At our wedding ceremony our pastor, Dan Genung, gave the two of us sage advice. He said each side should extend 110%, meaning we should give more than our all for the one we love.
One aspect of a successful marriage is accepting your spouse for who they are. You really can’t change someone’s basic nature. At the altar you make that commitment knowing that all of us come with some sort of baggage.
Secondly, I believe that one quality of a successful marriage is to have a short memory. This means forgiving transgressions and not keeping score. A successful spouse must let go of annoyances and appreciate their partner with all his or her flaws.
In my experience with friends who have been married for a long time, they still argue and get irritated by each other but that passes quickly and is forgotten.
Another positive aspect of a long marriage is growing old together. As we mature, the words “in sickness and in health” have new meaning. I believe it is comforting to have someone with whom to share our declining years.
It’s kind of neat to see an older couple walking hand-in-hand in the park or down the street. It strikes me as cool that an old married couple still can show affection in public.
Perhaps one of the best pieces of advice I have gotten about marriage was from my father-in-law, Lewis Abe. Before our wedding we went to the hardware store to purchase tape for the “Just Married” sign on the back of our car. He told me jokingly that now that we are about to be married I would have to make all the big decisions and I should let Lisa make all the small decisions. He then looked at me with a straight face and a twinkle in his eye and said that in the many years of marriage he had yet to encounter a big decision.
It was a good piece of advice that I still follow today, although Lisa may question that statement.
Bill Yee is a retired Alhambra High School history teacher. He can be reached at paperson52@gmail.com. Opinions expressed are not necessarily those of The Rafu Shimpo.